I started writing this in Myanmar, and have continued to add to it …
Something the Lord brought my attention to way back at the beginning of our time in Asia was the word “transfixed.” I was having worship by myself one night, and I just couldn’t get it out of my head. It kept coming up in my songs and prayers as I was trying to give my time to Jesus.
“my gaze transfixed on Jesus’ face”
trans·fix – to be motionless with wonder and astonishment
I’ve been trying to bring my focus back to Jesus the whole time we’ve been in Asia, and it’s been so sweet to see that the situations that bring me to my knees with sadness become a place for the Lord’s honor and glory to reign. He has been constantly moving with us throughout our crazy days and working in our hearts. It’s been so sweet to wrap up my time here in Thailand by looking back over the last three months and seeing how much I’ve grown and what the Lord has brought me through.
Sometimes you drive over twenty-four hours on the worst roads imaginable, into the mountains, just to find out that you only have three days of scheduled ministry out of the entire month.
Three days to love on kids like never before.
Three days to play hide and seek on the side of a mountain.
Three days to teach about Christmas.
Three days being called “Teacher Kate.”
Three days being greeted and swarmed with the sweetest hugs.
transfixed on His face
Sometimes 14/16 of the women you’re serving with come down with an unknown sickness that has us throwing up and laying in bed for days. On Christmas. Homesickness hits for the first time since leaving home, and I just want a hug from my family. Instagram becomes torture because I see all my friends and family back home with their wonderful family gatherings & Christmas feasts, while I’m just trying to hold down crackers and water.
More time alone with the Lord.
Diving into the words He gave me.
Giving everything, and I mean everything, to Him.
transfixed on His beauty
Sometimes I’m walking down the street and a prostitute reaches out right in front of me, at a man, to try and find a place to spend the night. My heart breaks for her and her lost identity. I tear up as I continue walking home with Megan. I ask the Lord for a safe place for her to sleep.
An opportunity to pray safety and love over one of the Lord’s children.
Prayers for an identity rooted in Christ and a community to draw her into a relationship with the Lord.
transfixed on His love
Sometimes you hear stories and meet a woman who was sold as a baby. She doesn’t know her family. She has no documentation because she was born in a different country. She doesn’t even know her own birthday. She’s at a home for women recovering from abuse and has never lived a life where she felt safe.
A chance to celebrate the life she’s been given and blessed with.
Friends speak words of truth and life into her.
Blessed to be a blessing.
transfixed on the way Abba holds His children in His hands
Sometimes you feel the Lord pulling you to do something you don’t want to do. You grieve over the outcome you know will come, and you continue in obedience. The enemy attacks, per usual, and the voice of the Lord seems lost among all others. It’s a conversation that needs to happen.
The peace of Jesus never left, it only felt absent for a moment.
A weight is lifted, but your heart still hurts.
You bask in the presence of the Lord.
transfixed on His ways
Sometimes plans for the future start to stress me out. I don’t understand why the Lord is leading where He is. There are a hundred different options when I just asked for one. Decisions upon decisions and I don’t feel support from anyone around me. Choices are made and the people I thought would celebrate me didn’t, while my community gave me cake for acceptance into a new program. Confusion hits the fan, and the peace I once felt disappeared for a moment.
There are no wrong decisions when they all glorify the Lord. over & over. Decisions.
Answered prayers of affirmation and confirmation.
Peace returns and excitement replaces all fear.
transfixed on His plans
That’s just a little of what’s been on my heart the past few months. Thanks for supporting and encouraging me so much lately! I love you all so dearly!!
Kate<3
Kate, I love reading your entries and trying to picture where you are. I appreciate you sharing your struggles. We all have struggles and doubt. Sometimes I feel very far away from God and I know I’m doing the pushing away.
Kate, when I was your age, I was living in Brazil. I remember times of homesickness and of everything being strange which increased my homesickness. Those we’re just times to cry, think, pray and move on. I am 63 but still remember that year so dearly. God watches over us
Your words had me transfixed, Kate. You are a riveting author.
Kate
Thanks for sharing your experiences and reflections. Such an insightful perspective.
I’m praying for your team as you finish the Race set before you!
“ There are no wrong decisions when they all glorify the Lord.“ AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
Praying for His peace and joy as He enables you to trust Him to lead.
“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’Isaiah 30:21
Thanks for sharing dinner of what you are going through and seeing. I’ll br praying for you to have peace in your decisions and peace in the waiting for the decisions you can’t make yet. I love hearing about the spiritual and physical journey you are on.
Praying for discernment and wisdom and peace and hope for you Kate as you seek the Lord! You are an encouragement to all of us!
That was so honest AND honoring of our Father in heaven. That is a glimpse into what the race experience is. Seeing so much hurt, so much pain. But also experiencing so much growth, so much of The Lord’s presence, strength, peace . . . Your view of the world around you is forever changed, both to see the hurt and to see the power of God.
Miss you, love you
This is a beautiful writing and such a needed reminder, thank you!